Most parents want their children to be the best they can be. However, some caregivers put too much pressure on their kids. Being under such intense pressure can have serious consequences, ranging from mental health problems to lowered self-esteem.
Every parent has a different approach to encouraging their kids. While high expectations can be healthy, placing constant pressure on children can be harmful. When kids feel like each homework assignment is going to make or break their future—or that each soccer game could determine if they get a college scholarship—that pressure can have negative consequences.
When Pressure From Parents Is Harmful
Kids who feel that they’re under enormous pressure to do well can experience consequences in multiple areas of their lives, from their mental health to their sleep. Here are some effects of putting kids under too much pressure to perform.
Higher rates of mental illness
Kids who feel like they’re under constant pressure can experience constant anxiety. High amounts of stress can also place children at a greater risk of developing depression or other mental health conditions.
Increased likelihood of cheating
When the focus is on achievement rather than learning, kids are more likely to cheat. Whether it’s a young child catching a glimpse of a classmate’s answer on a test, or a college student paying someone to write a term paper, cheating is common among kids who feel pressure to perform well.
Refusing to participate
When kids feel the goal is to always “be the best,” they’re not likely to participate when they aren’t likely to shine. A child who isn’t the fastest runner might quit playing soccer and a child who isn’t the best singer in the group might stop performing with the choir. Kids may also refuse to go to school if they don’t excel. Unfortunately, that means kids won’t take opportunities to sharpen their skills.
Self-esteem problems
Pushing kids to excel can damage their self-esteem. The constant stress of performing interferes with children’s identity formation and causes them to feel like they’re not good enough—or even that they will never be good enough.
Every parent has a different approach to encouraging their kids. While high expectations can be healthy, placing constant pressure on children can be harmful.
What to do instead
Encourage your child to do their best. Focus on the process, rather than the result.
If you find yourself placing too much pressure on your child, ask yourself why their performance, test score, or success matters to you so much.
Talk to your child about the sport/assignment/performance they’re working on. Set aside your feelings to make room for your child to express theirs. Giving your child the space to be seen and heard will encourage them rather than make them feel they have disappointed you.
What does it mean to “succeed”? Check out our insightful webinar to explore how we can better support student wellbeing in high-achieving communities.
Excerpted from “The Dangers of Putting Too Much Pressure on Kids” in Parents magazine. Read the full article online.
Source: Parents magazine | The Dangers of Putting Too Much Pressure on Kids, https://www.parents.com/the-dangers-of-putting-too-much-pressure-on-kids-1094823 | Copyright 2025 Dash Dot Media. Retrieved July 2025.
